It worked!

I dropped 2 pounds this week.

I am working on changing my strategy and trying to eat more. I usually have way too many of my extra points left over at the end of the week. I want to use them.

With this weeks loss, I feel like Operation: Use Up the Points was a huge success.

Getting burnt out.

Maybe it's the very slow progress. Or maybe it's just that I have been at this for almost 11 months now. But I am getting so tired of trying to lose weight. I am still around 30 pounds from my goal. I had promised myself that once I was there, I would just maintain for a while and stop thinking about weight loss.

This really is getting exhausting.

Shoes.

I've worn out another pair of running shoes. The next pair will be my third in as many years. Today I feel like one of those athletic people.

Birthdays: last year this year.

I don't feel like being on a diet today. That is all.

Happy birthday to me.

Two years ago I remember sitting in my therapist's office around the time of my birthday, I was all motivated and determined I was going to drop 5 pants sizes by my next birthday. I started a diet and lasted I think 6 weeks. A diet that made me depressed and caused crippling anxiety attacks- not to mention triggering some terrible binge eating.

Two years and life has changed a lot. I have managed to drop a few sizes. (from a 24 to almost a 16 now) Also, I'm not seeing the therapist anymore. Yay, sanity!

After that failed diet 2 years ago, I actually worked with my therapist on some of the emotional ties to food and weight. I am convinced that the work we did laid the foundation for my later success with Weight Watchers. While WW is definitely the plan that works best for the way I eat and live, I don't think I could have been successful on any plan without some major emotional tidying up. I'm glad I did it. I truly believe, now through my experiences, that you can't really be physically healthy if you are not emotionally healthy.

So cheers to turning 34 and being on the road to very, very good health.

This is just a sad sad thing.

I knew that as I lost weight, I would likely get more attention from men. I am sometimes surprised at when and where I get checked out. (like at the gym when I am gross and sweaty) Sometimes surprised at how often I get checked out. but in general, not surprised that is does happen more often now. I am pretty cute, so it's something I was prepared for, emotionally.

Something I was not prepared for, is how much better I am treated. By my fellow human beings in general. Now that I'm getting closer and closer to being "average" in size, I don't just get flirted with more often. I get treated like a person more often. Sales people at stores greet me, instead of pretending I'm not there. People hold the door for me when I walk into a building behind them. I get, overall, far better customer service EVERYWHERE I go. The difference is quite noticeable.

I think this is the saddest thing ever. I'm the same person I was 60 pounds ago. But apparently in the eyes of many people in our society, 60 pounds ago I was not a person at all. It kind of makes me ill.