Happy birthday to me.

Two years ago I remember sitting in my therapist's office around the time of my birthday, I was all motivated and determined I was going to drop 5 pants sizes by my next birthday. I started a diet and lasted I think 6 weeks. A diet that made me depressed and caused crippling anxiety attacks- not to mention triggering some terrible binge eating.

Two years and life has changed a lot. I have managed to drop a few sizes. (from a 24 to almost a 16 now) Also, I'm not seeing the therapist anymore. Yay, sanity!

After that failed diet 2 years ago, I actually worked with my therapist on some of the emotional ties to food and weight. I am convinced that the work we did laid the foundation for my later success with Weight Watchers. While WW is definitely the plan that works best for the way I eat and live, I don't think I could have been successful on any plan without some major emotional tidying up. I'm glad I did it. I truly believe, now through my experiences, that you can't really be physically healthy if you are not emotionally healthy.

So cheers to turning 34 and being on the road to very, very good health.

This is just a sad sad thing.

I knew that as I lost weight, I would likely get more attention from men. I am sometimes surprised at when and where I get checked out. (like at the gym when I am gross and sweaty) Sometimes surprised at how often I get checked out. but in general, not surprised that is does happen more often now. I am pretty cute, so it's something I was prepared for, emotionally.

Something I was not prepared for, is how much better I am treated. By my fellow human beings in general. Now that I'm getting closer and closer to being "average" in size, I don't just get flirted with more often. I get treated like a person more often. Sales people at stores greet me, instead of pretending I'm not there. People hold the door for me when I walk into a building behind them. I get, overall, far better customer service EVERYWHERE I go. The difference is quite noticeable.

I think this is the saddest thing ever. I'm the same person I was 60 pounds ago. But apparently in the eyes of many people in our society, 60 pounds ago I was not a person at all. It kind of makes me ill.

WOO!

FINALLY hit the 60 pound mark today. After 2 months of the most agonizing plateau, which I truly hope is over thank you very much.

As of today I am 227 pounds. My stated goal on WW is 195, because I just wanted to be under 200. My real goal is to wear a size 14/16, and in January I had no idea what weight I would need to be to achieve that. I have a feeling those goals will more or less coincide now.

Oh man... it's not over yet but the finish line is sooooo close.

After weeks of struggling with hunger, and exercising a bunch to earn extra points so I could eat more, only to be even hungrier, this week I have found myself scrambling at night to eat up the rest of my daily points. I just have not been that hungry. For those who don't do WW, you are encouraged to eat all your daily points each day- eating less won't help you lose weight more quickly.

I'm at 10 fewer points than when I started. Maybe my body has finally adjusted to just eating less in general?

Whatever the reason, I am enjoying a week free of the irrational need to eat ALL THE THINGS.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I miss staying in on a Friday night and ordering greasy delivery food. I almost never order in anymore. Really nothing is worth the points.

Lately I have been having this weird urge to say "fuck the diet" and order a pizza and eat the whole thing. I don't even know if I could eat a whole pizza anymore. (I hate to even admit there was a time when I could) I definitely know I would be sick from it, though. I wonder where that urge is coming from.

Not related, but sort or related.... I discovered this week that drinking bloody mary mix satisfies my craving for salty food better than popcorn. Even without vodka in it. I might have to buy some V8 and see if that works, too. It's probably healthier.

OK this is super weird.

The number on the scale continues to trickle down, very slowly. And yet in the last couple of weeks I've lost another inch off my hips and bust. I wish I had tracked my thigh measurements, too. They are noticeably narrower now- I can probably get away with going out in a dress and not have to wear Body Glide on them anymore.

I think the increased workouts really ARE making a difference. My boyfriend has been insisting for weeks that my lack of progress was due to increased muscle mass. But I never really believed that before now.

Speaking of my boyfriend, he is really a saint for listening to me talk about weight loss ALL THE TIME. He stays positive even when I am crabby as hell and filled with diet rage. And he tells me all the time how proud he is of me for sticking with it and working so hard.  He really brings out the best in me.