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Down another pound this week. Which brings the grand total to 12. I doesn't seem that much, but my girl cat weighs 12 pounds. I've lost a cat's worth of weight! Also, I have now lost all the weight I've gained since the tri in August.

WW "rewarded" me by taking away another daily point. Fuckers.

Most recent awesome find.

Ragu light alfredo sauce. 1 point per 1/4 cup serving. It's not very thick, so that serving goes far. The flavor does need a little doctoring- I like to add some garlic salt and black pepper. It's good on pasta, of course, but I put it on steamed veggies and it was amazing. One serving more than coats a large bowl of steamed vegetables, which then taste so yummy that you will want to shovel them in your face.

Yummy...

POPchips are very yummy. Very light and crispy and potato-y. I think they are actually better than regular potato chips. And they come in several flavors.

They are 3 points per serving and 3 servings in a bag. I ate a whole bag tonight while I watched a movie. That was 9 points of barbecue-flavored deliciousness, and worth every point. And I got to feel like some sort of decadent, eating a whole bag of snacks.

I am sure that I must look ridiculous at the store, calculating WW points with my little phone app. But it's kinda fascinating to analyze food labels now. And finding the most "bang for my buck" points-wise has kinda become like a game.

I'm glad I have this blog. I have no idea if anyone's reading it, but if I was writing about all this WW stuff on my Facebook or my Livejournal I think I would have no friends left by the time I got to my goal weight. I suppose I could join the discussions on the WW board but honestly I have not drunk enough of the WW koolaid yet. Over there it's like a competition for who can be the biggest health nut and people trying to convince themselves that frozen grapes are an actual good snack. (as if) I may be drinking less and eating a ridiculous amount of produce, but I feel most satisfied when I figure out ways to eat and drink what I like and still fit it into this plan. I don't think I'm *supposed* to be jazzed about the fact that one serving of wine is 4 points and 2 servings is 7 points (it's magical WW math).

Why this works.

I am sitting here after a night out drinking with friends, nomming on a hot pocket and some baked potato chips. And I am not blowing my "diet".

I budgeted my points really well today. I was planning to attend a scotch tasting and I wanted lots of points for that. Plus a few more for a late-night snack. I ended up not drinking as much as I thought I would, and did not indulge in any fatty bar food. So when I got home tonight I had loads of points to use up. And since WW online says I am losing too fast, my goal this week is to use all my points each day, and not be stingy with activity and weekly points. So I hit up the corner store for a proper post-bar snack. Because proper post-bar food is always bad for you.

Sure it was a hot pocket and not a whole pizza. And sure it was baked chips and not Doritos. But I got to do something totally normal- a late night snack attack- and still stayed on plan. That's why I feel like this is going to work for me. I get to live a normal life.

This is pretty cool.

Bread? Who needs bread?

One of my favorite lunches lately has been tuna salad. But instead of putting it on a sandwich, I scoop it up with celery sticks. My tuna salad recipe (made with fat free mayo, capers, dill and red onion) is only 3 points. Celery is zero points, and honestly a lot more filling than sandwich bread (2-3 points per slice!). Add a piece of fruit and maybe a couple of pickles, and I get a huge healthy lunch for only 3 points. It's become my favorite "I'm going out after work so I need to conserve my points" meal.

Speaking of going out. I have discovered a few things. First, sweet potatoes are a great thing to eat before going out for drinks. Being on WW has already altered my alcohol tolerance a bit, and I've noticed that a tummy full of veggies is not a great "base" for booze. I have also started getting in the habit of not having a drink with my meals. It's a smarter use of points to sip water while I eat, and have the wine afterwards when I can enjoy it more. This is especially useful at home. It's just way too easy to drink a glass or two of wine while cooking, then one with my meal, then maybe two or more afterwards while I'm watching some Netflix or mucking around on Facebook. Pre WW, I could quite easily polish off a bottle of wine by myself in one evening (and be surprisingly not drunk).

The cost of eating healthy.

I feel like I have spent a LOT of money on groceries this month. I keep thinking that it's all going to balance out because I'm not spending money on junk food at convenience stores and I'm also drinking a lot less. But so far it just feels like I am bleeding food money.

Oh yeah!

I have lost 11 pounds so far.

I weighed in today and am down 6 pounds from last week. Which is awesome but I got a notification from WW that I am losing too fast and I should be careful and sent me some links about stopping drastic weight loss. Looks like my plan to save up all my weekly and activity points for the weekend worked a bit TOO well. Haha. I'm sure this is the last time I will see a huge drop like that.

11 pounds is the most weight loss success I have had in a very long time.

2 things

1. I found some baked lentil chips at Kowalski's that are super yummy, are only 3 points per serving, and only have about 4 servings per bag. I wonder if eating a whole bag of those would make the desire to eat a whole bag of chips go away.

2. I've been very into coffee lately. I find something about it so satisfying. I thought it was the caffeine but now I'm not so sure. Some afternoons I find myself wanting more coffee, but I don't make more because I know the caffeine will make me jittery and keep me away. So I have been drinking hot herbal tea when I want more coffee, and I'm finding it just as satisfying. I think maybe I'm just liking hot beverages a lot right now.

Rock!

I managed to stay on plan this weekend. In fact I have a bunch of points left and I'm probably going to order in some dinner tonight since I don't feel like cooking.

I brought lots of veggies and dip and I kept the veggie tray on the counter all day long while everyone was snacking. It not only kept me from going for the chips, it kept everyone else from them too. Several bags of chips went unopened, but only a handful of veggies were left this morning.

Argh.

The last few days I have been fighting the urge to eat an entire bag of Cheetos or chips. Not because I am hungry. Not because I'm even feeling deprived of munchy things. But I don't know, because I just want to.

There was a time when dieting gave me massive anxiety attacks. The feeling that I was not "allowed" to eat made me feel very anxious and panicky. I would try to fill up on broth or veggies, but no matter how much I ate I would still feel hungry and anxious. I don't know what it is, but eating 5 pounds of raw vegetables does not produce the calming effect that eating a bag of potato chips does. And yes, eating massive amounts of fatty carbs does fill me with this odd sense of calm.

I have worked with my therapist on this issue. Apparently the food=comfort thing goes really deep with me. And honestly, just knowing that's what was causing the meltdowns was huge. But now I am armed with the coping skills to deal. I am finding other ways to self-soothe. And so far since starting WW, I have not had one of these incidents.

But still the desire is there. Way back in my mind. Kind of looming. Waiting for stress or pain to weaken my resolve enough that I can stuff my face with Doritos or pizza. (or both) Fantasizing about that peaceful feeling.

w00t!

Down 3 pounds since last week! That's a total of 5 pounds. Woohoo!!!

Two weeks on WW have been survived. I have consumed a fair amount of alcohol. I have even consumed fast food. I have barely cooked.

I have also NOT gone to bed hungry, had an anxiety attack, or a fit of diet rage (wherein I hate the world because I have to bust my ass to lose weight). Keep in mind the last time I tried WW, I gave up after 3 weeks.

I did have to laugh at the WW website today, though. I entered in my new weight and it was all "Congratulations on your first 5 pounds!" and then it calculates my new daily point target. Yep, congrats on your weight loss, you now get one less point per day. Boo! (I mean, I know I well get fewer and fewer but damn that is not a reward)

Stuff.

I am annoyed that the gym is closed today (MLK day). Not because I felt like exercising (though I did go for a brisk walk in the freezing, freezing cold), but because today is my weigh-in day and I wanted to see my progress.

I'm trying to only get on a scale once a week, and the suspense is killing me!

I am going out of town for a fun cabin weekend this coming weekend. In the past this event has involved lots of eating and drinking. My goal is to save all my weekly points, and to exercise daily to earn activity points which I will also be saving. I am determined to enjoy myself AND stay on plan.

What foods are worth the points.

I finished eating an omelette: 3 eggs, mushrooms, mozarella cheese, and a points value of 8. And now I am sitting here, sipping my coffee, still hungry, and thinking that 8 points should have been more satisfying. Next time I'm skipping the cheese.

I have this desire for every point to be as satisfying as possible. Part of why I have been eating greek yogurt for breakfast every morning (for example) is that I can have yogurt and coffee and maybe some fruit and be full until lunchtime, and I only used 4 points.

Yesterday I decided to save up my points and have a really awesome dinner. A calzone and a brownie from Davanni's. The calzone, a whopping 24 points. The brownie, 7 points. While the calzone was tasty, it was not very filling. Like at all. I could easily have eaten two of them. The brownie was good, though.

I'm kind of on a mission to find the junk food item that is the best "value" for days when I feel like having a calorie fest. The calzone is not a winner. So far the Chicken Mc Nugget is leading the pack at 13 points for a 10 piece.

One splurge won't blow it.

Life gets busy. You can't always plan every second. And life being life, you don't always want to responsible all the time.

This appears to be my theme this week. Dealing with a busy schedule and trying to manage the whole WW thing and make it with a life that defies planning.

On Tuesday I tried to save up my points because I had a date that evening. I knew I'd be having a drink or two, for sure. But I didn't really know how the evening would play out. I didn't want to be that girl- the one who won't eat because she's on a diet. I ended up not using a whole lot of points. I didn't go to bed hungry, but I woke up feeling not so good.

Yesterday I had a busy day of running around with a friend getting ready for an event. At one point she suggested getting Mc Donalds. I was just hungry enough that I kinda didn't care about the points values of the food. But when I got home, it turned out that I only went over my target for the day by a few points. And since I had not used any weekly or activity points, my diet was not blown. I think that's a great thing about WW. The knowledge that one splurge is not going to blow it.

Pizza experiment

Made pita bread pizzas in the toaster oven tonight. 4 points for each pita, 2 points per ounce of part-skim mozzarella, 0 points for the sauce and mushrooms.

Results: 1 ounce of cheese covers the pizza, but 2 ounces is more satisfying and pizza-like. Made one with raw mushrooms and decided that cooked mushrooms would have been better. Made one plain cheese but sprinkled with Penzey's shallot pepper. That one was tasty. Penzey's spices are awesome.

Setting a goal weight.

The only thing I don't really like about Weight Watchers is that I feel like it's all about being thin, rather than being healthy. Health is a factor, of course. But you look at the "success stories" and it's all skinny, bony, hollow-cheeked THIN people. In fact, their current spokes person, Jennifer Hudson, is someone I didn't think needed to lose weight in the first place. She was beautiful before she was a size 8.

I set my goal weight in the weight tracker as 200. But I don't actually know what my goal weight is. My weight loss goals have always been clothing-size related. I currently wear a 24. I want to wear a 14/16. I have no idea what that translates to in pounds.

I suppose some people would think that's not a very good goal. But I like being curvy. I also like to eat, and I don't like working out every single day. I have set a goal that is healthier than my current size, but that I think I can easily maintain (while still being able to eat pizza and drink beer from time to time).

Hmmm...

Five days in. I have survived my first weekend on WW. I was able to consume alcoholic beverages AND attend a dinner party and still stay on plan. In fact I am down 2 pounds already.

I have not gone to bed hungry. I have not had any panic attacks*. AND I have only had one minor burst of murderous rage, which is pretty amazing considering I am due for a depo shot this week**.


* Dieting has been known to cause me such severe anxiety that I once had an EMDR session devoted to finding the cause.

** I use depo-provera for birth control. While I don't have normal menstrual cycles, I tend to be a tad "PMS"-y around shot time.

Weight Watchers

So this week I joined Weight Watchers.

Hm. Yeah. Not sure how I feel about it yet.

I have been annoyed that the last 2 years I've done triathlons and worked out a lot and still can't seem to lose weight. Highly annoyed. I even went to my doctor to get tested for thyroid disorders to see if there was something wrong with me. There's not.

I asked my doctor about going on medication to lose weight. I have a friend who took the drug Topomax for her migraines and she lost 20 pounds on it because it killed her appetite. My doctor seemed to think that might be an option. But she made it clear that she wanted to see me try something more traditional first. (meaning stick to a diet) She's been recommending Weight Watchers for a while now and I have been resisting. I tried it 10 years or so ago and hated it. I was hungry all the time and it made me depressed. But I have some friends that are on the plan and I've been hearing it is much improved. So I figured what do I have to lose? (I mean, aside from the $56 I paid in advance for 3 months of the online program)

I am on day 3. The daily allotment of points seems generous enough. Plus you get weekly extra points for treats and you can earn more points by working out. With good meal planning and learning to snack on zero or low point foods (veggies=0 points, fat free sour cream dip= 1 point per 1/4 cup, 94% fat free microwave popcorn= 3 points per bag), I should be able to eat as much as I want and still be able to have a drink or two at social events. (wine= 4 points per serving)

So we shall see how things go. Right now it's still in the novelty phase. Looking up foods and strategically planning meals feels kind of like a game at first. But I know it's only a matter of time before the novelty wears off.