Do I get a gold star?

I have gotten into the habit of planning my workouts every week. Monday mornings I sit down with a little dry erase board and write down what my exercise tasks are. I try to make it to the gym 3 days a week, and this helps knowing what days I will go. On non gym days I tend to plan to go for walks. Since I don't have a car, I plan errands on non gym days and then walk to the stores. 

I have to admit there's something very satisfying about putting a check mark next to a completed exercise task. I am such a dork.

DD

I posted this to Facebook, but I am putting it here, too:

I have been seeing articles everywhere offering suggestions on how to save calories at Holiday parties. Well here is mine- BE THE DESIGNATED DRIVER. You will save hundreds of calories if you spend your holiday party time sipping a water or diet soda. And not drinking will make you better able to resist overeating. And also, IT SAVES LIVES.

Just an FYI

Yes, it is entirely possible to eat too many fruits and veggies.

I have that whole "it's winter and I want to eat all the things and then hibernate" thing going on. So I have been grazing on raw veggies and clementines. (because clementines ARE SO YUMMY!) Maybe more of either than is a good idea.  *groan*

Shoppin'

I tried on a size 16 party dress today and it was actually a little bit big. Thank you, Calvin Klein, for flattering my vanity. WOO!!!

Current workout regimen

Strength: about 10 min each day, 6 days per week, alternate upper and lower body, crunches daily
I have some hand weights and I do arm/shoulder exercises focusing on lots of reps at low weight. For lower body I do lunges, squats, etc. Since I work from home I am usually able to sneak all these in throughout the work day.

Cardio: I hit the gym at least 3 times a week for cardio. Usually the ellipticals or swimming laps. Sometimes I take a class to mix it up- either water aerobics or Zumba. On non-gym days I do errands on foot to get some walking in. My goal is 20-60 minutes of cardio per day 5-6 days a week.

I always give myself a rest day each week.Usually Sundays. Lately since my hip has been bothering me, how much cardio I get kind of depends on my pain levels. The strength stuff does not seem like much, but I am already noticing a difference after only 2 weeks. And being able to do it at home is very convenient.

220

I have lost 68 pounds. Not where I was hoping I'd be by this time, but still very good overall. I am 25 pounds away from my initial goal. I am 5 pounds away from my next personal milestone.

215 was the lowest weight I achieved when I was on some horrible commercial starvation diet. I lived on icky protein bars and had to check in 3 times a week to weigh in and have my food diary looked at by one of their counselors. It was, basically, a low-carb hell. I lost weight quickly, but to be fair I was probably getting 900-1200 calories a day. Who wouldn't lose weight on that. They claimed you did not have to exercise on their plan, but the truth is you were not eating enough to be able to.

I realized this week that the jeans I bought when I was at my lowest on that plan is now too big for me.So even though I am still 5 pounds away from what my lowest weight was, I am already slimmer than when I did that evil starvation diet. That is the magic of exercise.

Also this is the 5th week in a row I am down, after a long stretch of gain a pound then lose a pound. I think the daily strength exercises are working!

Woo!

All those pre-Thanksgiving workouts paid off! I am down a pound this week. =)

MY HIP HURTS SO BAD!!!

Dear Bursitis,

I hate you.

No love, ME

Zoooooomba!

I went to a 90 minute Zumba class today and did not die. In fact I feel pretty awesome right now.

There was a time when I would not have made it through the whole class. There was a time when that much exercise would have been it for the day.

Today it just means that pumpkin pie is WELL EARNED.

Sore

This whole idea of trying to work on toning/strength training? It hurts. So many sore muscles!

Drudgery

Whine, whine, whine I hate this and I am sick of thinking about it. I don't feel like working out, or counting points or dealing with any of this shit today. I hate how much work this is.

Owww....

I have chronic bursitis in my hip. Normally, regular physical activity keeps it from flaring up. But in the last week, that has not been enough I guess. My hip hurts. It's not locking up or making me limp, so I guess that is good. It's just achey enough to be annoying.

I think that I will skip the gym tonight. Or maybe just go and soak in the hot tub.

New routine.

Last time I posted, I'd lost 2 pounds. Then last week I gained one. I feel like I have been gaining and losing the same couple of pounds for a while. I'm also not losing anymore inches like I was this summer. I think I have finally hit plateau territory. Ugh...

While I have been making more of an effort to use up activity/weekly points, I am still not using them all every single week. So I don't think that eating less is really going to make a difference. Although I am going to make sure I am being ever vigilant about measuring portions. (is it rude to bring my kitchen scale to parties? LOL) I also really need to stop skipping breakfast.

No, my plan to counter this plateau is going to be a change in my workout routine. And with the coming change in seasons, I think it's a great time to do this. For the last few months I have been all about the cardio: 2-3 days a week I would walk or bike the 1.25 miles to the gym, hop on an elliptical machine and sweat for 20-30 minutes, and then walk home. In addition to gym visits, I was making sure to walk or bike for errand running. So I was getting at least 20 minutes of exercise a day, 5 days a week. But all cardio, and honestly not terribly challenging anymore.

I have decided to spend a week or two trying out some classes at the gym and seeing if I can find some things I enjoy. I also am looking to add in some strength training into the mix. I attended a ballet Barre class over the weekend. That was really fun. I am planning to attend a barbell class this week- I used to go to this one regularly but I got out of the habit. I am also thinking of going to a cycle class. I've never really liked cycle class, but there is significantly less of me since the last time I went. Maybe it will be less painful? I will report back.

I will still get plenty of walking in, as I don't own a car so even in winter I walk a lot, to get groceries, etc, but no more biking until spring as I don't own a bicycle and the Nice Rides are in storage for the winter.

I am likely too far behind to hit my goal by the end of the year, as I'd hoped. But hopefully a change-up in routine will help me stay on track through the holidays!

It worked!

I dropped 2 pounds this week.

I am working on changing my strategy and trying to eat more. I usually have way too many of my extra points left over at the end of the week. I want to use them.

With this weeks loss, I feel like Operation: Use Up the Points was a huge success.

Getting burnt out.

Maybe it's the very slow progress. Or maybe it's just that I have been at this for almost 11 months now. But I am getting so tired of trying to lose weight. I am still around 30 pounds from my goal. I had promised myself that once I was there, I would just maintain for a while and stop thinking about weight loss.

This really is getting exhausting.

Shoes.

I've worn out another pair of running shoes. The next pair will be my third in as many years. Today I feel like one of those athletic people.

Birthdays: last year this year.

I don't feel like being on a diet today. That is all.

Happy birthday to me.

Two years ago I remember sitting in my therapist's office around the time of my birthday, I was all motivated and determined I was going to drop 5 pants sizes by my next birthday. I started a diet and lasted I think 6 weeks. A diet that made me depressed and caused crippling anxiety attacks- not to mention triggering some terrible binge eating.

Two years and life has changed a lot. I have managed to drop a few sizes. (from a 24 to almost a 16 now) Also, I'm not seeing the therapist anymore. Yay, sanity!

After that failed diet 2 years ago, I actually worked with my therapist on some of the emotional ties to food and weight. I am convinced that the work we did laid the foundation for my later success with Weight Watchers. While WW is definitely the plan that works best for the way I eat and live, I don't think I could have been successful on any plan without some major emotional tidying up. I'm glad I did it. I truly believe, now through my experiences, that you can't really be physically healthy if you are not emotionally healthy.

So cheers to turning 34 and being on the road to very, very good health.

This is just a sad sad thing.

I knew that as I lost weight, I would likely get more attention from men. I am sometimes surprised at when and where I get checked out. (like at the gym when I am gross and sweaty) Sometimes surprised at how often I get checked out. but in general, not surprised that is does happen more often now. I am pretty cute, so it's something I was prepared for, emotionally.

Something I was not prepared for, is how much better I am treated. By my fellow human beings in general. Now that I'm getting closer and closer to being "average" in size, I don't just get flirted with more often. I get treated like a person more often. Sales people at stores greet me, instead of pretending I'm not there. People hold the door for me when I walk into a building behind them. I get, overall, far better customer service EVERYWHERE I go. The difference is quite noticeable.

I think this is the saddest thing ever. I'm the same person I was 60 pounds ago. But apparently in the eyes of many people in our society, 60 pounds ago I was not a person at all. It kind of makes me ill.

WOO!

FINALLY hit the 60 pound mark today. After 2 months of the most agonizing plateau, which I truly hope is over thank you very much.

As of today I am 227 pounds. My stated goal on WW is 195, because I just wanted to be under 200. My real goal is to wear a size 14/16, and in January I had no idea what weight I would need to be to achieve that. I have a feeling those goals will more or less coincide now.

Oh man... it's not over yet but the finish line is sooooo close.

After weeks of struggling with hunger, and exercising a bunch to earn extra points so I could eat more, only to be even hungrier, this week I have found myself scrambling at night to eat up the rest of my daily points. I just have not been that hungry. For those who don't do WW, you are encouraged to eat all your daily points each day- eating less won't help you lose weight more quickly.

I'm at 10 fewer points than when I started. Maybe my body has finally adjusted to just eating less in general?

Whatever the reason, I am enjoying a week free of the irrational need to eat ALL THE THINGS.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I miss staying in on a Friday night and ordering greasy delivery food. I almost never order in anymore. Really nothing is worth the points.

Lately I have been having this weird urge to say "fuck the diet" and order a pizza and eat the whole thing. I don't even know if I could eat a whole pizza anymore. (I hate to even admit there was a time when I could) I definitely know I would be sick from it, though. I wonder where that urge is coming from.

Not related, but sort or related.... I discovered this week that drinking bloody mary mix satisfies my craving for salty food better than popcorn. Even without vodka in it. I might have to buy some V8 and see if that works, too. It's probably healthier.

OK this is super weird.

The number on the scale continues to trickle down, very slowly. And yet in the last couple of weeks I've lost another inch off my hips and bust. I wish I had tracked my thigh measurements, too. They are noticeably narrower now- I can probably get away with going out in a dress and not have to wear Body Glide on them anymore.

I think the increased workouts really ARE making a difference. My boyfriend has been insisting for weeks that my lack of progress was due to increased muscle mass. But I never really believed that before now.

Speaking of my boyfriend, he is really a saint for listening to me talk about weight loss ALL THE TIME. He stays positive even when I am crabby as hell and filled with diet rage. And he tells me all the time how proud he is of me for sticking with it and working so hard.  He really brings out the best in me.

And also.

I seem to have rediscovered the joy of working out. Ever since I started pushing myself towards a harder pace, even just 30 minutes of boring cardio machines seems fun again.

Plugging away.

I hit the 50 pounds mark around July 1 or so. Since then I have lost only 5 more pounds. I had hoped for more than double that by now, and had hoped to hit my goal of being under 200 before Christmas. I don't know if that's gonna happen, but we'll see.

In the meantime I am trying to do with the new slooooooow pace of weight loss by looking fro ways to keep myself encouraged. I have upped the intensity of my workouts so I earn more way activity points (and can eat more).

And just today I went to try and find some end of season clearance shorts or capri pants and had pleasant results. I know that sizes vary but I tried on a size 18 stretch denim jean today that was baggy in the butt. So I bought the size 16. (They are a bit snug, but I have at least a month before I can wear stretch denim and boots anyway.) But OMG I CAN BUTTON SIZE 16 PANTS!!!!

I have not worn size 16 since college, probably.

Thoughts

I'm still annoyed at my unexplained weight gain. Annoyed. Angry. Frustrated.

But I decided to do some thinking about what I have been doing. I know I have not been going over my points. That's the first thing the site says to look at- have you been slacking on weights and measures, etc. NOPE. In fact I have not been using all my points. I am going to make a better effort to use activity and weekly points up. If anything so I feel less like I am on a diet. Because clearly I'm getting burned out on diets. Also, I need to eat breakfast. I was looking at my tracker and noticing how many mornings I just tracked coffee in the morning. That has to stop. I was losing much faster when I was eating breakfast. I love coffee, but it's not a meal.

Hopefully this will help.

I'm going to cry.

I'm up 2 pounds this week.

I'm not overeating. I'm getting exercise. I am doing everything I'm supposed to be doing!!!

This sucks so much. I just want to cry. I am so frustrated right now. I hate this.

Well that's just weird.

According to the activity points thingy, 30 minutes of bicycling at less than 12mph is 3 points. 30 minutes at more than 12mph is 8. In general, 30 minutes of "moderate intensity" exercise is 3 points and 30 minutes of "high intensity" is 8 points. Why the huge jump? I feel like maybe there should be something between moderate and high.

I've been riding my bike a lot and have vastly improved my speed. I'm averaging about 10mph now, where I was doing 5. I feel like I am getting ripped off on activity points. Boo!

Well that was fun.

I was feeling kinda down this week. Weight loss has slowed to a trickle lately. I've only lost 4 pounds since hitting the 50 pound milestone in July.

But when I was looking at my progress charts online I realized I had not taken any measurements since June. I decided today would be a good day to bust out the tape measure and see how things are going. I'm down another inch on my bust, waist, and hips since June. WOO! Then I decided to break out the tub of "might fit me someday" clothing. All the rest of my pants in my stash fit. (sizes 18, and a couple of 20s that run very small)


That was some much-needed encouragement today.

Pain is weird. Bodies are weird.

I have been experiencing some pain in my knees for the last few months. For the most part it's low grade acheyness not even bad enough to medicate. Sometimes it's worse and I take Aleve. I have been considering seeing a chiropractor or doctor, but I'm procrastinating.

Last week I got really motivated to earn some extra activity points. So I went for a couple of walks and I noticed my knees started feeling a little... better.  The last 12 days or so I have done something active every day and my knees are hurting drastically less than they have been. This seems counterintuitive. I exercise MORE and somehow I hurt LESS?

Confusing. And amazing.

Boo!

I am up 2 pounds from last week. I am feeling very pouty.

I have been having a really hard time with food cravings and it seems like my points disappear so fast each day. But I worked really hard at self control last week. I saved all my weekly points for the weekend (like usual) and then only used a few. So I was WAY under my alotment. And still gained.

I am very crabby. I know it could just be hormones or retaining water or something. But still, it's discouraging to work so hard and GAIN weight.

Ugh...

I hate my shrinking breasts. They look deflated and sad.

Awesome

Shopping is getting more fun. I'm not always limited to the plus size section of the department stores. I'm trying to only buy clearance, but it's hard to resist really cute clothes. And heels! Heels are much more comfortable.

Planning my outfits for the convention has also been fun. I feel good and feel like I look good.

Made it!

I have lost 50 pounds.

Mini goal achieved,

"Obesity Epidemic"

I was looking around online at BMI calculators trying to figure out how much weight I have to lose in order to no longer be classified as obese. Turns out my goal weight of 195 will still keep me in the obese category. The lowest weigth I was considering going for was maybe 175, which will still classify me as overweight. According to the government, my "healthy weigth" range is 118-159.

At my height of 5'7", I would look like a holocaust victim if I weighed 118 pounds. At 159 I'll be sorely lacking in the hip and breast department.

IMO the only reason we have an obesity 'epidemic' is because the CDC is labeling EVERYONE as obese.

WOOHOO!

I bought a cute summer dress on clearance today at Kohl's. It's a size XL, but it was from the misses department- not the plus size section.

A whole new world has been opened up to me, now. Haha!

I got Mc Donald's for dinner tonight. The bacon ranch salad with grilled chicken is only 6 points. If I take it home and add my own fat free ranch dressing, then I can justify a side of fries. Except tonight I got so full on salad that I was unable to finish my fries.

I DONT KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE! lulz

239.5

1.5 pounds away from my mini goal!

Road map.

So I should hit the 50 pounds lost mark by next week, at which point I will have 43 pounds to go until I hit my goal weight of 195. I like the idea of breaking things up into mini goals, so here is my plan. My next mental milestone is 215 pounds. Which is the lowest weight I achieved when I joined the evil low carb starvation diet center after my divorce. I think I can easily hit 215 by my birthday in late September. So that is mini goal #1. Once I hit 215, then I am 20 pounds away from the finish line. So the next mini goal will be to lose the last 20 pounds by Thanksgiving. The holidays are always a rough time, so I think just maintaing through them will be a challenge. After New Year's I will decide if I want to stay where I am or try and lose more. (another 20 pounds, for example, would kick me out of the "overweight" category on most BMI charts)

I have not been under 200 pounds since college, I think. I know I still have a ways to go but I feel like I am going to get there. Not just that, but I feel like it's easy to keep my 'eyes on the prize' now because the prize in definitely in sight.  This feels amazing.

Ugh... Monday

The whole time I have been on WW, I have used the strategy of saving my weekly points for the weekends, so I can enjoy myself and not have to worry as much about points when I go out. And so far this strategy has been working. I enjoy myself every weekend and still the numbers on the scale go down.

There is only one catch. And that is Mondays. Mondays tend to be rough days. My hunger levels are high and I tend to crave snack food all day, which makes me cranky.

I keep thinking I need to come up with some sort of brilliant strategy for dealing with Mondays.

241.5

3.5 pounds to my mini goal. WOO!

Superstition

My employer is having a company-wide weight loss challenge this summer. I figured I'd sign up since I was working on weight loss, anyways.

Of course the second I hit the submit button I started worrying that I just jinxed myself. I've lost over 40 pounds- and no plateau so far.

Gotta hope for the best.

Crazy!

The last 2 years, since I started triathlon training in the wintertime, I thought to myself how nice it could be if i could lose 20-30 pounds by July when I attended a sci-fin convention. Both years, the con came and went and I had not lost any weight.

This year, I will most likely hit the 50 pound milestone just in time for the con. WOW! 

I decided not to do the tri this year, in part due to lack of training time and lack of funds to buy a decent bike. (I'm not suffering another 15 mile ride on a too-small bike not built for speed or comfort.)But also I really want to focus on hitting my weight loss goal, and endurance training makes you want to eat EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.

I definitely want to do it next year and see if I'm any faster once I'm not carrying an extra 80-100 pounds around.

Back in the game.

Weighed in today and I'm down 2.5 pounds since my last weigh in 2 weeks ago. Yay!

I think I need to start inventing mini goals, to stay motivated. I'm hoping that will distract me a little from the feeling like there's no light at the end of this very long tunnel.

I'm at 246.5 today. My first mini goal is to see if I can get down to 240 by the time I attend my next sci fi convention, July 5-8. That's 6.5 pounds in about a month.

EDIT: a week after I posted this I had a huge 3.5 pound drop and changed the mini goal to 238- which would make an even 50 pound loss.

Slowly getting back on track.

So I spent a couple of days playing hooky from WW, then promptly got food poisoning, then landed in the ER with a fun kidney stone and spent several days being made ill from painkillers.

I finally started tracking points again on Thursday. Haven't been on a scale yet, so I don't know if being sick balanced out a few days of indulgences. I'm still not at 100% yet, so working out will have to come slowly. A short walk yesterday wore me out terribly.

I'm determined to get back on track, but I'm feeling less enthusiastic. I'm heading into month 6 of WW and starting to feel like I will never reach my goal. I have so far to go.

AWOL

I sort of went AWOL this week. I haven't been tracking, and I have been eating junk. (this week's indulgences include greasy Chinese food and expensive cheese)

I feel... disgusting. 

Plans for the near future involve eating pearl barley and a lot of vegetables and drinking a gallon of water.

I'm getting sick of tracking points and thinking about food and diets and stuff. I have been doing well, but I think I need a break from it.

Coffee

I used to hate coffee. But 6 or 7 years ago, I started to aquire a taste for it. Before WW, I drank it frequently but not necessarily on a daily basis. Since joining WW, I have become a fiend for the stuff. I can not even begin to describe how satisfying it is to me to drink coffee.

I do try to limit my intake on the weekdays to just 2 cups in the morning. And nothing in it but some Splenda. But on the weekends, I will indulge in more. Midday iced coffees. Coffee with half and half. sugar free flavor shot? Sign me up.

I think coffee might be my favorite food.

Oh man...

While I was out running errands today, I stopped in at my corner gas station for a diet soda. (I have been really into Diet Sunkist orange soda lately.) The cashier asked where I've been lately. I told him I'd joined Weight Watchers.

This means that before WW, I shopped at the corner gas station enough for the cashiers to know me and notice when I stop coming in.

I don't smoke and I don't have a car. I was there for sodas and junk food. A lot of sodas and junk food.

Interesting...

For weeks (maybe months) I'd been having these weird cravings for toast. Even before WW, I was not in the habit of keeping bread around the house and I have never been a big toast eater. So I have no idea where this toast craving was coming from. Then I found some awesome reduced-calorie wheat bread. At only 2 points per (2 slice) serving I figured I could happily indulge that toast craving.

The funny part is that I noticed if I had some toast with breakfast or a sandwich for lunch, that I did not  find myself wanting popcorn in the afternoons. I guess my body was trying to tell me it wanted better carbs? Who knows. But if that's the case then what is my body trying to tell me when it's craving soda?

THAT IS NOT A REWARD!

Down another 2 pounds today at my weigh-in. I hate when that little box pops up and says, "Congratulations! You lost weight this week. Your new daily point allowance is...."

Losing yet another daily point is not a reward. Also that's 2 weeks in a row I've lost a daily point. I'm disturbed at that. I started at 45, and am now down to 39 daily points. But 2 of those 6 were taken away in the last 2 weeks. Um... not cool. I'd like to lose them a bit more gradually, thanks. Fuckers.

Last night I happened across a sweet clearance sale and got 2 pairs of jeans for $6 each- a size 20 and a size 18. Good lord, the 18s look so tiny!

I am wearing the brand new size 20s today. It feels strange to be wearing brand new jeans. No stretch denim, either. Every other pair of pants I own has some degree of lycra in the fabric. I am kind of shocked at how I look in the mirror.

Current measurements:
Bust (at fullest point) 47", down 2.5"
Waist 44", down 4"
Hips 54", down 3"

Current jeans size: 20 (down from 24)
Current bra size: 42DD (down from 44DD)

Last summer I gave away the vast majority of my smaller sized clothing. I had everything from 14-24 in my closet, but when a friend had gastric bypass and lost a bunch of weight I figured she would be able to make better use of the size 20 and smaller stuff. The one bummer is that I had pants that used to fit me perfect in every size down to 14. And now, it would be sooo nice to have all those so I could try them on and see how close I am to what sizes. I'm attending a clothing swap this weekend. Hopefully I can aquire some pants in various sizes. All of mine are too big, anyway.

What I really want right now is to eat an entire bag of Doritos.

I have been getting to the end of my days with a LOT of points left, lately. I don't feel like I've been eating less for breakfast or lunch or snacks, and then it hit me.... I was saving a lot of points up so I could go for drinks after work or drink wine at home in the evenings. But ever since I met my boyfriend (who is not a drinker), I have been drinking less and less. He must be a good influence.

Back on track.

I'm down 4 pounds from last week. I think perhaps I was retaining water. I did have a depo-provera shot 2 days before my weigh in. I'd also eaten a lot of salty foods.

I'm pleased to be back on track. Only 8 more pounds to my next big milestone.

Boo!

Weighed in yesterday. I'm up a pound from last week. BOO!!!!

I probably ate too much over the weekend. I have not been super diligent about tracking on the weekends, trusting that since I had x number of activity points and 49 weekly points (that I always save for the weekends) that I was safe. And it's been working...

On one hand it annoys me. Adds to my feeling of being overwhelmed. I mean, it's not like I spent the weekend shoveling food in my face nonstop. And during the week I don't always use up all my points, either.

On the other hand, I kinda wonder if I should be making a point to eat more during the week. At the very least, using all my daily points. That and maybe not show up hungry to parties.

Ugh...

For weeks I've been "weight loss, yay!" But today I am feeling overwhelmed by how far I still have to go. It's the beginning of month 4. Month 4 of.... 12? 14 Maybe? Who knows how long it will take.

I'm not tired of the diet or anything. Not right now anyway. I'm kind of used to it now. And I'm also so used to eating low fat foods that many of my former favorite things now make me sick. It's a great deterrent. I don't miss pizza at all anymore. Last night I had some points to burn and I had Chex Mix. But I nibbled at half the bag. I didn't "need" to eat the whole thing. Huge progress!

But still, I guess I'm just anxious to reach the finish line.

10%

As of today, I am down 29 pounds. According to WW, I have now lost 10% of my body weight. Woo!

Let's hope...

I called my insurance company today to find out if the membership fees for Weight Watchers Online counted as a reimbursable expense for my flex account. They said maybe, but I have to get a letter of medical necessity from my doctor first. That should not be a problem, considering joining WW was her idea in the first place.

Gonna have to make a doctor's appointment!

Cool.

I feel like I ate a LOT today but somehow I still have points left. Weird. Awesome.

Dang.

I made rice krispie bars for a dinner party on Tuesday, and even ate one. I have been craving pastry the last couple of days. Damn you, sugar, and your crack-like qualities!

This week's visual.

I lost the equivalent of about 200 sliders from White Castle.

That's 2 Crave Crates




According to a google search I did, I also have lost the equvalent of 5 bags of sugar or an average-size toddler. But 2 Crave Crates makes such a better mental image for me.

Noticeable.

As of last week, I'm down 22 pounds. Still not noticeable to anyone else, but I can see a difference. And not just because all my pants are falling off.

In December I bought a very daring, very clingy, green wrap dress to wear to my friend's wedding. I ended up not being daring enough to wear the dress without a cardigan over it. I'm wearing the dress again this weekend, sans cardigan. I had it on last night and it looks stunning. I can't wait for my boyfriend to see me in it, he's gonna flip.

Weird.

I never ate breakfast this morning. Most days breakfast is yogurt and coffee, but this morning I just had the coffee. I never got hungry, and I kinda just forgot. It's lunch time now and I ate an apple and some turkey, not because I was hungry but because I really thought I should eat something. Yesterday was more or less the same until dinnertime. But two days ago I was hungry all day long and it felt like all I did was eat.

Appetites are fickle things.

This week's numbers.

So just shy of 2 months in.

I have lost 19 pounds.

I have lost 2 inches off my hips, and 1.5 each from my waist and bust. (not happy about the bust part!)

I am down from a snug 24 to a 22 (almost a 20)

IN TWO MONTHS!

I am very pleased with myself right now.

RAWK!

Down two more pounds this week! Which means I am 2 pounds away from my goal to lose 20 pounds before Marscon (a local science-fiction convention). Marscon is two weeks away, so I think I am going to make it!

So far I have made it through social events, family events, dates, and even a couple of meltdowns (not diet-related meltdowns, but definitely were triggers to emotion-eat) and so far I am managing to stay on plan and lose weight each week. I am really pleased with not just myself for sticking to this for almost 2 months now, but with Weight Watchers in general. This is a way of eating that I can live with.

Happy Dance!

Down 3 more pounds this week, which brings the overall total to 16 pounds. I've lost a bowling ball! Or two healthy newborns! Or 16 Chipotle burritos!

According to WW, I've also lost 5% of my body weight.

I tried on jeans over the weekend. I can almost wear a size 20 again.

I haven't completely drunk the kool aid.

I made it through a weekend that involved Chinese buffet AND the Superbowl and got to eat lots of tasty things and still lost a pound over the past week. Yay me!

I may have brought a WW friendly dish to Superbowl Sunday. (shrimp cocktail) but I still don't feel like I have completely drunk the kool aid yet. I don't think anyone will ever convince me that frozen grapes are an awesome snack. Well, maybe they are if you are out in the desert, at Burning Man, and it's 110 degrees. But off-playa? Heckno. (That said, I have decided that cottage cheese sprinkled with garlic salt is AMAZING. But it's no replacement for pizza or anything)

Getting bored.

I did kind of a lame job grocery shopping last week. Partly in an effort to save money by making myself eat what was already in the cupboards and freezer. But partly because I did not do much in the way of planning.

It's funny, I gleefully eat the same breakfast every day (coffee and greek yogurt- I think it's a ritual now), but last night as I made chicken and veggies for the 3rd night this week I was cringing. Didn't help that I think that frozen broccoli was expired.

Today is payday and this weekend I will grocery shop and try to be a bit more imaginitive.

276

Down another pound this week. Which brings the grand total to 12. I doesn't seem that much, but my girl cat weighs 12 pounds. I've lost a cat's worth of weight! Also, I have now lost all the weight I've gained since the tri in August.

WW "rewarded" me by taking away another daily point. Fuckers.

Most recent awesome find.

Ragu light alfredo sauce. 1 point per 1/4 cup serving. It's not very thick, so that serving goes far. The flavor does need a little doctoring- I like to add some garlic salt and black pepper. It's good on pasta, of course, but I put it on steamed veggies and it was amazing. One serving more than coats a large bowl of steamed vegetables, which then taste so yummy that you will want to shovel them in your face.

Yummy...

POPchips are very yummy. Very light and crispy and potato-y. I think they are actually better than regular potato chips. And they come in several flavors.

They are 3 points per serving and 3 servings in a bag. I ate a whole bag tonight while I watched a movie. That was 9 points of barbecue-flavored deliciousness, and worth every point. And I got to feel like some sort of decadent, eating a whole bag of snacks.

I am sure that I must look ridiculous at the store, calculating WW points with my little phone app. But it's kinda fascinating to analyze food labels now. And finding the most "bang for my buck" points-wise has kinda become like a game.

I'm glad I have this blog. I have no idea if anyone's reading it, but if I was writing about all this WW stuff on my Facebook or my Livejournal I think I would have no friends left by the time I got to my goal weight. I suppose I could join the discussions on the WW board but honestly I have not drunk enough of the WW koolaid yet. Over there it's like a competition for who can be the biggest health nut and people trying to convince themselves that frozen grapes are an actual good snack. (as if) I may be drinking less and eating a ridiculous amount of produce, but I feel most satisfied when I figure out ways to eat and drink what I like and still fit it into this plan. I don't think I'm *supposed* to be jazzed about the fact that one serving of wine is 4 points and 2 servings is 7 points (it's magical WW math).

Why this works.

I am sitting here after a night out drinking with friends, nomming on a hot pocket and some baked potato chips. And I am not blowing my "diet".

I budgeted my points really well today. I was planning to attend a scotch tasting and I wanted lots of points for that. Plus a few more for a late-night snack. I ended up not drinking as much as I thought I would, and did not indulge in any fatty bar food. So when I got home tonight I had loads of points to use up. And since WW online says I am losing too fast, my goal this week is to use all my points each day, and not be stingy with activity and weekly points. So I hit up the corner store for a proper post-bar snack. Because proper post-bar food is always bad for you.

Sure it was a hot pocket and not a whole pizza. And sure it was baked chips and not Doritos. But I got to do something totally normal- a late night snack attack- and still stayed on plan. That's why I feel like this is going to work for me. I get to live a normal life.

This is pretty cool.

Bread? Who needs bread?

One of my favorite lunches lately has been tuna salad. But instead of putting it on a sandwich, I scoop it up with celery sticks. My tuna salad recipe (made with fat free mayo, capers, dill and red onion) is only 3 points. Celery is zero points, and honestly a lot more filling than sandwich bread (2-3 points per slice!). Add a piece of fruit and maybe a couple of pickles, and I get a huge healthy lunch for only 3 points. It's become my favorite "I'm going out after work so I need to conserve my points" meal.

Speaking of going out. I have discovered a few things. First, sweet potatoes are a great thing to eat before going out for drinks. Being on WW has already altered my alcohol tolerance a bit, and I've noticed that a tummy full of veggies is not a great "base" for booze. I have also started getting in the habit of not having a drink with my meals. It's a smarter use of points to sip water while I eat, and have the wine afterwards when I can enjoy it more. This is especially useful at home. It's just way too easy to drink a glass or two of wine while cooking, then one with my meal, then maybe two or more afterwards while I'm watching some Netflix or mucking around on Facebook. Pre WW, I could quite easily polish off a bottle of wine by myself in one evening (and be surprisingly not drunk).

The cost of eating healthy.

I feel like I have spent a LOT of money on groceries this month. I keep thinking that it's all going to balance out because I'm not spending money on junk food at convenience stores and I'm also drinking a lot less. But so far it just feels like I am bleeding food money.

Oh yeah!

I have lost 11 pounds so far.

I weighed in today and am down 6 pounds from last week. Which is awesome but I got a notification from WW that I am losing too fast and I should be careful and sent me some links about stopping drastic weight loss. Looks like my plan to save up all my weekly and activity points for the weekend worked a bit TOO well. Haha. I'm sure this is the last time I will see a huge drop like that.

11 pounds is the most weight loss success I have had in a very long time.

2 things

1. I found some baked lentil chips at Kowalski's that are super yummy, are only 3 points per serving, and only have about 4 servings per bag. I wonder if eating a whole bag of those would make the desire to eat a whole bag of chips go away.

2. I've been very into coffee lately. I find something about it so satisfying. I thought it was the caffeine but now I'm not so sure. Some afternoons I find myself wanting more coffee, but I don't make more because I know the caffeine will make me jittery and keep me away. So I have been drinking hot herbal tea when I want more coffee, and I'm finding it just as satisfying. I think maybe I'm just liking hot beverages a lot right now.

Rock!

I managed to stay on plan this weekend. In fact I have a bunch of points left and I'm probably going to order in some dinner tonight since I don't feel like cooking.

I brought lots of veggies and dip and I kept the veggie tray on the counter all day long while everyone was snacking. It not only kept me from going for the chips, it kept everyone else from them too. Several bags of chips went unopened, but only a handful of veggies were left this morning.

Argh.

The last few days I have been fighting the urge to eat an entire bag of Cheetos or chips. Not because I am hungry. Not because I'm even feeling deprived of munchy things. But I don't know, because I just want to.

There was a time when dieting gave me massive anxiety attacks. The feeling that I was not "allowed" to eat made me feel very anxious and panicky. I would try to fill up on broth or veggies, but no matter how much I ate I would still feel hungry and anxious. I don't know what it is, but eating 5 pounds of raw vegetables does not produce the calming effect that eating a bag of potato chips does. And yes, eating massive amounts of fatty carbs does fill me with this odd sense of calm.

I have worked with my therapist on this issue. Apparently the food=comfort thing goes really deep with me. And honestly, just knowing that's what was causing the meltdowns was huge. But now I am armed with the coping skills to deal. I am finding other ways to self-soothe. And so far since starting WW, I have not had one of these incidents.

But still the desire is there. Way back in my mind. Kind of looming. Waiting for stress or pain to weaken my resolve enough that I can stuff my face with Doritos or pizza. (or both) Fantasizing about that peaceful feeling.

w00t!

Down 3 pounds since last week! That's a total of 5 pounds. Woohoo!!!

Two weeks on WW have been survived. I have consumed a fair amount of alcohol. I have even consumed fast food. I have barely cooked.

I have also NOT gone to bed hungry, had an anxiety attack, or a fit of diet rage (wherein I hate the world because I have to bust my ass to lose weight). Keep in mind the last time I tried WW, I gave up after 3 weeks.

I did have to laugh at the WW website today, though. I entered in my new weight and it was all "Congratulations on your first 5 pounds!" and then it calculates my new daily point target. Yep, congrats on your weight loss, you now get one less point per day. Boo! (I mean, I know I well get fewer and fewer but damn that is not a reward)

Stuff.

I am annoyed that the gym is closed today (MLK day). Not because I felt like exercising (though I did go for a brisk walk in the freezing, freezing cold), but because today is my weigh-in day and I wanted to see my progress.

I'm trying to only get on a scale once a week, and the suspense is killing me!

I am going out of town for a fun cabin weekend this coming weekend. In the past this event has involved lots of eating and drinking. My goal is to save all my weekly points, and to exercise daily to earn activity points which I will also be saving. I am determined to enjoy myself AND stay on plan.

What foods are worth the points.

I finished eating an omelette: 3 eggs, mushrooms, mozarella cheese, and a points value of 8. And now I am sitting here, sipping my coffee, still hungry, and thinking that 8 points should have been more satisfying. Next time I'm skipping the cheese.

I have this desire for every point to be as satisfying as possible. Part of why I have been eating greek yogurt for breakfast every morning (for example) is that I can have yogurt and coffee and maybe some fruit and be full until lunchtime, and I only used 4 points.

Yesterday I decided to save up my points and have a really awesome dinner. A calzone and a brownie from Davanni's. The calzone, a whopping 24 points. The brownie, 7 points. While the calzone was tasty, it was not very filling. Like at all. I could easily have eaten two of them. The brownie was good, though.

I'm kind of on a mission to find the junk food item that is the best "value" for days when I feel like having a calorie fest. The calzone is not a winner. So far the Chicken Mc Nugget is leading the pack at 13 points for a 10 piece.

One splurge won't blow it.

Life gets busy. You can't always plan every second. And life being life, you don't always want to responsible all the time.

This appears to be my theme this week. Dealing with a busy schedule and trying to manage the whole WW thing and make it with a life that defies planning.

On Tuesday I tried to save up my points because I had a date that evening. I knew I'd be having a drink or two, for sure. But I didn't really know how the evening would play out. I didn't want to be that girl- the one who won't eat because she's on a diet. I ended up not using a whole lot of points. I didn't go to bed hungry, but I woke up feeling not so good.

Yesterday I had a busy day of running around with a friend getting ready for an event. At one point she suggested getting Mc Donalds. I was just hungry enough that I kinda didn't care about the points values of the food. But when I got home, it turned out that I only went over my target for the day by a few points. And since I had not used any weekly or activity points, my diet was not blown. I think that's a great thing about WW. The knowledge that one splurge is not going to blow it.

Pizza experiment

Made pita bread pizzas in the toaster oven tonight. 4 points for each pita, 2 points per ounce of part-skim mozzarella, 0 points for the sauce and mushrooms.

Results: 1 ounce of cheese covers the pizza, but 2 ounces is more satisfying and pizza-like. Made one with raw mushrooms and decided that cooked mushrooms would have been better. Made one plain cheese but sprinkled with Penzey's shallot pepper. That one was tasty. Penzey's spices are awesome.

Setting a goal weight.

The only thing I don't really like about Weight Watchers is that I feel like it's all about being thin, rather than being healthy. Health is a factor, of course. But you look at the "success stories" and it's all skinny, bony, hollow-cheeked THIN people. In fact, their current spokes person, Jennifer Hudson, is someone I didn't think needed to lose weight in the first place. She was beautiful before she was a size 8.

I set my goal weight in the weight tracker as 200. But I don't actually know what my goal weight is. My weight loss goals have always been clothing-size related. I currently wear a 24. I want to wear a 14/16. I have no idea what that translates to in pounds.

I suppose some people would think that's not a very good goal. But I like being curvy. I also like to eat, and I don't like working out every single day. I have set a goal that is healthier than my current size, but that I think I can easily maintain (while still being able to eat pizza and drink beer from time to time).

Hmmm...

Five days in. I have survived my first weekend on WW. I was able to consume alcoholic beverages AND attend a dinner party and still stay on plan. In fact I am down 2 pounds already.

I have not gone to bed hungry. I have not had any panic attacks*. AND I have only had one minor burst of murderous rage, which is pretty amazing considering I am due for a depo shot this week**.


* Dieting has been known to cause me such severe anxiety that I once had an EMDR session devoted to finding the cause.

** I use depo-provera for birth control. While I don't have normal menstrual cycles, I tend to be a tad "PMS"-y around shot time.

Weight Watchers

So this week I joined Weight Watchers.

Hm. Yeah. Not sure how I feel about it yet.

I have been annoyed that the last 2 years I've done triathlons and worked out a lot and still can't seem to lose weight. Highly annoyed. I even went to my doctor to get tested for thyroid disorders to see if there was something wrong with me. There's not.

I asked my doctor about going on medication to lose weight. I have a friend who took the drug Topomax for her migraines and she lost 20 pounds on it because it killed her appetite. My doctor seemed to think that might be an option. But she made it clear that she wanted to see me try something more traditional first. (meaning stick to a diet) She's been recommending Weight Watchers for a while now and I have been resisting. I tried it 10 years or so ago and hated it. I was hungry all the time and it made me depressed. But I have some friends that are on the plan and I've been hearing it is much improved. So I figured what do I have to lose? (I mean, aside from the $56 I paid in advance for 3 months of the online program)

I am on day 3. The daily allotment of points seems generous enough. Plus you get weekly extra points for treats and you can earn more points by working out. With good meal planning and learning to snack on zero or low point foods (veggies=0 points, fat free sour cream dip= 1 point per 1/4 cup, 94% fat free microwave popcorn= 3 points per bag), I should be able to eat as much as I want and still be able to have a drink or two at social events. (wine= 4 points per serving)

So we shall see how things go. Right now it's still in the novelty phase. Looking up foods and strategically planning meals feels kind of like a game at first. But I know it's only a matter of time before the novelty wears off.