Friday, January 20, 2012


The last few days I have been fighting the urge to eat an entire bag of Cheetos or chips. Not because I am hungry. Not because I'm even feeling deprived of munchy things. But I don't know, because I just want to.

There was a time when dieting gave me massive anxiety attacks. The feeling that I was not "allowed" to eat made me feel very anxious and panicky. I would try to fill up on broth or veggies, but no matter how much I ate I would still feel hungry and anxious. I don't know what it is, but eating 5 pounds of raw vegetables does not produce the calming effect that eating a bag of potato chips does. And yes, eating massive amounts of fatty carbs does fill me with this odd sense of calm.

I have worked with my therapist on this issue. Apparently the food=comfort thing goes really deep with me. And honestly, just knowing that's what was causing the meltdowns was huge. But now I am armed with the coping skills to deal. I am finding other ways to self-soothe. And so far since starting WW, I have not had one of these incidents.

But still the desire is there. Way back in my mind. Kind of looming. Waiting for stress or pain to weaken my resolve enough that I can stuff my face with Doritos or pizza. (or both) Fantasizing about that peaceful feeling.

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